Audio: Toni Packer 1996

The following talks by Toni Packer are available on audio tape only.

January 1996 Retreat

Day 1	Listening innocently, without wanting results. The immediacy of listening openly is stronger than all programs. Awareness is not a thing or a state of mind. Words are sequential, but being is not. Our images of others shape them. Authority: craving it, fighting it. What is our relationship?
Day 2	A way of being that is independent of reward. "Meditative inquiry" can become a concept. Not rushing to get through a job that may seem boring. Space without borders or content. The stillness of no lack.
Day 3	What are we here for? Can we get attached to openness? Looking at hurt, anger, irritation arising, looking patiently, without expecting results. In-touchness with our conditioning. Touching it out of a vast silence. That vast silence is the most real thing there is. Sharing this vastness, igniting each other.
Day 4	The sense of separation. Identification. Who gets hurt? Questioning the deep conviction that I am "me". Listening without knowing what we are. Stability of listening within the chaos of reactions.
Day 5	Wanting and fearing. Expecting fabulous results. Is this all we are, this cycle of discontent? Stay with that total helplessness in the face of dissatisfaction. There is no controller of this mind.
Day 6	Anger, expectation, wanting "my way"; identifying "my way" as "me". How is disturbance met? Seeing our common ground, directly, beyond our personalities. This work is about both revealling our conditioning and being here freely, as nothing special.

April 1996 Retreat

Day 1	A new listening and looking. What does Toni mean when she says she's not an authority or a teacher? The difference between being authoritative and being authoritarian. A relationship of deep respect.
Day 2	There's no place to go; everything is here. Is there a practice? Experimenting for ourselves. The urge to get someplace. With willpower goes resistance. Effort and effortlessness.
Day 3	Can I really trust that being here is sufficient? Awareness is a great healer. Meeting fear directly. We are vast, silent space, full of creative energy.
Day 5	Wanting things to be different. Identifying what appears as "me" is the biggest hindrance. How to realize this spacious quietness in daily life. Right now, does it take effort to listen? Awareness.
Day 6	Fear of letting go of my self and my story. Learning about the nature of self-image and how it functions, with no demand on oneself to overcome anything. Being here whole-heartedly. Judgement.

June 1996 Retreat

Day 1	Naked awareness. Vast listening space with no purpose or goal. Everything is right here. Retreat is a vacation from knowing and expecting, free from purpose. Not creating or fighting authority. Relationship without adoration or wanting to be parented.
Day 2	One moment at a time. What am I doing here? The question itself comes from not being here. Seeing thought as thought. Living aimlessly, artlessly, simply. What does it mean to be here as temporary states arise (anger, fear, depression, etc.)?
Day 3	Is it possible to learn without thinking and accumulating knowledge? Hearing Toni's talks in terms of injunctions and opposites that are not intended. Would a life of awareness mean I'd have to give up art? Where does the question come from? There is no "I" who has to do anything!
Day 4	Listening to thoughts as we listen to birdsongs. Innocent observation and experiencing.
Day 7	Effort, faith, trust. Total, complete trust in awareness, which takes care of everything. Trusting that there cannot be any obstacle impossible to meet completely. Trusting this is possible for all human beings to meet completely what is there. There is no solid barrier, only empty space.
Day 8	Separation. The sense of "me" apart from others, apart from the whole. Our investment in being different. Fear of not being liked. Change comes out of attention.
Day 9	Quiet attention. Listening to the hum of expectation, rather than investment in the fantasy. No reason to reach out or move. Not escaping or denying, not making a thing out of what is seen. Not creating an observer.

July 1996 Retreat

Day 1	How does one listen to a talk by a person one knows and has feelings and judgements about? Does all of that affect the listening? Creating and perpetuating authority. How does one relate without traditional definitions? Respecting each other.
Day 2	Being here directly, immediately. Expecting and yearning for peace and quiet, and coming instead upon chaos. Gentle listening, befriending the chaos. Fear of the unknown. Can we be here as nothing in particular, discovering and questioning the imagery about who we are. Patience and dedication to this work. Daily life outside of retreat.
Day 3	Fear.
Day 5	Just being here, simply; no one doing it. The tendency to blame, and the conviction that we are all free agents. What is the need for control? The whole is awareness, unbroken. It doesn't matter what comes and goes in awareness.
Day 6	In seeing clearly, there is love. God and the sacred: is it beyond the psychological? Or is it in facing immediately, directly what is here? Unconditioned presence is the blossoming of love. What is separate or apart in this moment of simple now-ness?

August 1996 Retreat

Day 1	Living in the anticipated The trap of condemnation/congratulation. Attending in an innocent way.
Day 2	Despair. Is life worth living? Self-consciousness. Observing how painful mental states arise.
Day 3	Mechanical practices. Is it possible not to get hurt at all? Does all this attending reinforce the sense of me?
Day 4	Spiritual competitiveness. Are we here to have experiences? Being stuck in negativity. Must one go through pain to come to enlightenment?
Day 7	Why does Toni give emphasis to sound? The fear that I may disappear. The world of thinking is not the world as it is happening right now. What of this can I actualize in my daily life?
Day 8	What are we sitting for? Does meditation lead to enlightenment? How possible is it for human beings to be in the presence of things without adding to the chain of reaction? Is it possible to get rid of conditioning?
Day 9	Love. Is there anything else besides this closed-circuit of self-love? Is there innate in human beings some such movement as love? The bubble of "me". Patriotism and nationalism.

September 1996 Retreat

Day 1	Tiredness. Dreaming. The fear of waking up. What do we want to hear? Expectation interferes with real listening. The desire for authority.
Day 2	What is it I'm supposed to do in retreat? Is there a practice for beginners? Fear: is it possible to enter the actuality of it without thinking? Is it humanly possible to perceive anything without judgment?
Day 3	Judgment. Justice and revenge. Isolation. Wanting to be in touch, yet afraid of closeness. Running away from boredom.
Day 5	What is time? What makes for this sense of "me" in time? Memory and imagination.
Day 6	Awareness - can it be there all the time? After retreat, is there any carry over into our daily life? Does it take effort at the beginning to do this work?

November 1996 Retreat

Day 1	Hearing vulnerably. Can we live without solidifying into role and image?
Day 2	Investigating ourselves profoundly. Difference between authoritarian and authority.
Day 3	Questioning: what it means. Being with whatever comes up without resistance. What is this me?
Day 5	Listening. The self is not something to get rid of or control, but rather observe, question and become intimate with. True listening is the only way to help each other.
Day 6	Storytelling. Embellishing the picture of ourselves. How do we tell anyone anything without adding to our story? Using others to serve our self image. Can we be nobody special? What is love?